Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
whose ass print is on the piano?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
