You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
