i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
