hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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