You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
