you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
