Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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