So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
