Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
