At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
