and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize