First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
