I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.