Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.

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(805): He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/fsan

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(219): View more from Indiana

Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.

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(219): Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream. http://tfl.nu/v6je

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(704): View more from North Carolina

you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....

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(704): you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face.... http://tfl.nu/3wos

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(289): View more from Ontario

She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...

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(289): She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you... http://tfl.nu/ajee

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(661): View more from California

Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.

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(661): Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed. http://tfl.nu/tpz0

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(713): View more from Texas

I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"

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(713): I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far" http://tfl.nu/dqcq

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(+61): View more from Australia

Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.

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(+61): Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup. http://tfl.nu/3fht

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(315): View more from New York

my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

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(315): my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless http://tfl.nu/2wfy

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic

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(570): please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic http://tfl.nu/e8z4

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy

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(832): RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy http://tfl.nu/3k4d

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(850): View more from Florida

It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis

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(850): It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis http://tfl.nu/b0bh

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(913): View more from Kansas

You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.

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(913): You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic. http://tfl.nu/rxwg

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(773): View more from Illinois

Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)

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(773): Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:) http://tfl.nu/gxuq

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(334): View more from Alabama

Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?

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(334): Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex? http://tfl.nu/rvvc

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future

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(+44): You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future http://tfl.nu/4nas

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