I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
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I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.