Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.

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  (313): I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son. http://tfl.nu/7jxb
  Replies (13) Good night (686) Bad night (2472)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

  (1-914): View more from New York

  It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

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  (914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq
  Replies (55) Good night (8666) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece

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  (781): You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece http://tfl.nu/uonr
  Replies (7) Good night (942) Bad night (2785)
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  (818): View more from California

  well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning

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  (818): well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning http://tfl.nu/ywc2
  Replies (18) Good night (4618) Bad night (2320)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.

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  (715): I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers. http://tfl.nu/5ulf
  Replies (3) Good night (2255) Bad night (862)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex

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  (517): I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex http://tfl.nu/ieaq
  Replies (14) Good night (2453) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man

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  (816): He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man http://tfl.nu/qpf8
  Replies (18) Good night (4081) Bad night (945)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises

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  (306): You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises http://tfl.nu/ccm4
  Replies (4) Good night (1656) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity 

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  (225): And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity  http://tfl.nu/rf36
  Replies (1) Good night (1299) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS

  (205): View more from Alabama

  THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT

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  (205): I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS (205): THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT http://tfl.nu/3e0n
  Replies (3) Good night (1017) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death

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  (816): im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death http://tfl.nu/dz9y
  Replies (3) Good night (1525) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  "Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...

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  (605): "Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in... http://tfl.nu/n5vg
  Replies (4) Good night (1249) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob

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  (781): My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob http://tfl.nu/45ds
  Replies (5) Good night (991) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?

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  (803): If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away? http://tfl.nu/9eig
  Replies (3) Good night (975) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...

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  (215): You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected... http://tfl.nu/3okc
  Replies (0) Good night (482) Bad night (235)

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