she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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