Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
