I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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