Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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