life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize