the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
