blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Help. Why am I so naked?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
