I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
