i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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