no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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