I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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