She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
