remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
