Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
