hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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