is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
