my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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