She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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