How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
