It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
