I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
