I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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