You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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