But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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