I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
