Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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