oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
