people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
