I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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