dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
