Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
