She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just gargled with NyQuil
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
