i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I supernannyed him into submission
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
