thus making me awesome and them whores
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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