How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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