just come out here and I will go home with you...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
