Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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