if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
