Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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