i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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