Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
