This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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