Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize