I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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