thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
