its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His hands were made for my vagina.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
