Your dad touched me again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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