I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
