get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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