last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
