I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
