Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
