drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
