I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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