Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
