The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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