so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
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Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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