that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
