I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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