i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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