we're blogging at a bar
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
