Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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