Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
two words...techno handjob
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
