Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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