When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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