so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
