I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
